A Fuse Too Far
by Naseka
Summary: Many people think Rupert had a temper, but I say that surely Clarisse’d have to do something to set it off. Rated M for bloodshed and persistent violence.


First of all I'd like to say that yes, this is another silly nonsense story I wasted my time on instead of continuing with the worthwhile ones.

Second of all "miserise" is another word I made up, it's derived from misery.

Third of all I promised myself I wouldn't turn this into an unrealistic fic, but that's how it turned out. Sorry if this changes your views about me.

Fourthly I only wrote this because I wanted to poke shit at people who hate Rupert for no reason (no offence, you're entitled to your opinion)

* * *

"GET BACK HERE, YOU BITCH!"

Clarisse had been running through the woods for what felt like hours trying to get away from her husband. Her feet were sore, she was sick of hearing him call her explicit names and she wasn't going to reach safety anytime soon. He was right to be angry at her, after all, she did take the batteries out of his alarm clock, hit him in her sleep, withhold sex from him, drink every last drop of his priceless wine collection, throw a book at his head, use his toupee to start a fire, give all his clothes to charity so he had to wear hers, tell the maids not to make his breakfast, have affairs on a regular basis, bear other men's children, play bumper cars with her friends using the porches in the garage, finish off the milk leaving the carton in the fridge, turn the TV off when he was watching it, steal the politics section of the newspaper before he got a chance to read it, smoke in bed, turn off the VCR while he was recording, put a banana peel hoard in the middle of the hallway, trip him over deliberately, give him herpes and countless other things that would make a man severely enraged, but he didn't have to take measures as extreme as these.

She ran and ran until she tripped over a root poking up from the ground. She grazed her knee and tried to get back up, but Rupert finally caught up to her and pushed her back down.

"Get off me!"

He didn't say anything, he just whacked her across the face and banged her head repeatedly on the ground, "What is wrong with you? Huh?"

He continued with the banging of her head against dirt and then stopped to let her speak, "Nothing's wrong with me. I'm just bored."

"Oh that's always your excuse."

He grabbed her collar, lifted her off the ground and threw her against a tree, causing her to laugh and cry out at the same time.

"Does it make you happy to miserise my life?"

She fell to the ground and laughed, "Yes."

He kicked her in the stomach and watched her smile grow wider, "You're a dick! Don't you know that kicking a woman in the stomach can result to her not being able to produce children?"

"You already have about fifteen little Clarisse's running around, thirteen of which are illegitimate! How many more do you want?"

"Oh at least six."

He ripped a chunk of her hair out, "That was a rhetorical question!"

"Oh sorry…seven?"

Rupert frowned some more, put his hands around her neck and strangled her while banging her head against a tree, "Don't you even know what rhetorical means? It means the answer is so obvious it doesn't require an answer!"

He dropped her on the ground again, "Rupert, If you already knew the answer, then why did you ask?"

He punched the side of her head and she fell face first in the dirt. Her once fine skin was now rugged and dirty, not to mention covered in blood and bruises. She felt limp, but still had the energy for another couple of blows.

"I don't know why I married you, Clarisse, all you ever do is find new ways to annoy me. You're literally going to drive me insane."

"Admit it, you love every moment of it."

"I do not!"

"Yes you do."

"No I DON'T!" He grabbed her by the feet and dragged her along the ground.

"Oh yes you do, why do you think we've been married for 30 years and haven't been divorced?"

"BECAUSE YOU REFUSED TO SIGN THE PAPERS!"

She laughed again, which caused yet another beating.

He could see her STILL giggling, so he got out his gun and shot her twice in the back. When he started walking away, he heard her continuing to laugh, so he shot her in the head. To his surprise this didn't kill her, "Why won't you die?"

She grinned evilly, "Because you made a vowel to honour and respect me and you're not showing me any...you must be punished."

She started limping towards him and he got frightened, "Stay back!"

"Why?"

"B-b-because!"

"I think you need to be repaid. Haven't you ever heard the saying two wrongs make a right?"

He aimed his gun at her head and shot her repeatedly. Her eyes became literally bloodshot and her nose was no longer there, yet she continued walking towards him. He shot at her until the bullets ran out, then he started running very fast looking back occasionally to see if she was still there. He lost her after ten minutes and stopped to take a break. He didn't hear her coming, nor did he expect her to be quite so near, but he did notice her presence when he felt the dagger slam into his back.

He fell forward and looked behind him, cursing the woman's name. She grabbed the dagger and twisted it around and around until blood spilt all over the floor. He was still alive, but only barely. He felt that he had enough energy left in him to slit her throat and chop her head off, so he pulled the dagger out of his back, pushed her to the ground and mashed at her neck. After he cracked his way through the bone, her head finally dropped onto the ground.

He wiped his forehead and licked a drop of blood from his hand lying back and absorbing the sun's rays. It was peaceful for a moment until he felt a sudden pain in his neck –she was biting him. He looked behind him and saw Clarisse's body holding her head up to his neck, it was a scary sight. He saw a cliff in the distance and decided to try and get her to fall off of it, because obviously her navigational skills would be somewhat diminished from when she lost her head, so it would have made it easier for her to fall off. He struggled to get up, but when he did, he ripped her head from his neck even though it did cause him some pain on account of the fact that she had taken a strip of skin with her.

He threw her head down the cliff and watched her body chase it down – he was free at last.

He waited a minute to see if she'd move, but she didn't so he sat down and looked the other way, unaware that her body had begun to work it's way back up the cliff. He sighed and looked up at the clouds, glad to be finally rid of her.

Or was he?

The end.

* * *

Here's where I think I went wrong: "BECAUSE YOU REFUSED TO SIGN THE PAPERS!"

Funny line I thought, but everything after that was utter nonsense XD

I think it was probably due to the fact that I started this last night when I was pissed off at my mum's boyfriend and wanted to kill him, then I finished it now (a day later) and I no longer feel the same anger if you get what I'm saying.

Review please.


End file.
